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Category

Body
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Learning about the inner workings of the menstrual cycle should be a crucial part of our education.
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Being mindful around my period was a door. A door to heal sexual trauma. A door to forgiveness, and a door to remembering.
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Of all the period experiences I’ve heard, The Hidden Tampon seems to be the most universal.
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Inside, I waged a silent war. If I got too angry, I’d be institutionalized; one doctor had threatened, twice, to send me to a psych ward during one of my ER visits. But, if I was too calm, no one would take me seriously. If I wanted help, I had to develop a new personality....
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My body tightened. I was exhausted. We'd wasted all his sperm over the past week. Why didn’t I wait for the stick to say I was ovulating? My mucus told me I was fertile four days ago. My body doesn’t work. “Babe, we need to have sex,” I called from the bathroom.
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Hunched over the toilet, I rock back and forth in excruciating pain. I use the contraction timer I have at births. My contractions are two minutes apart, hard and fast, and they last around one minute each. I am sweaty and naked in the pitch black, silently crying between breaths.
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Is sex consensual if one person participates but doesn't feel safe and secure?
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I may have forgiven him, but I'd never forgiven myself. I'd never dealt with the shame and the guilt that was, quite literally, buried in the deepest depths of me.
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I realized I’d been carrying around a heavy idea about my self-worth: I was not worthy or beautiful without makeup.
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