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    PURPOSE

    The Five-Year Engagement

    He Proposed, I Paused

    I was twenty-five the night Cameron proposed, and within hours, the sheer velocity with which the world had rushed to weigh in on the event left me depleted. It felt as if the front doors of our carefully crafted inner lives had been flung open. News travels faster than I’d imagined, and friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers inserted themselves in our story to pore over every detail and offer unsolicited opinions. Some reached out to share well-wishes; others wondered why they’d had to learn about it through the grapevine.

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    RELATIONSHIPS

    I Manifested and Married The Man of My Dreams

    But He Was Already Married When We Met

    The week before I met my husband I saw a psychic who asked me about the auburn-haired man in my life, the one with a “J” name. No one fit the bill, but one week later, I met him at a party.
    What the psychic didn’t tell me was that my future husband would be married when I met him. I never thought that I would fall in love with someone who I used to consider a friend, let alone the husband of a friend.

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    RELATIONSHIPS

    Why I’m Done Dating Older Men

    After Years of Being The Younger Woman, I'm Over It

    I saw things in my past relationships that I’d never seen before. I realized men had claimed a subtle ownership over me. It was an unspoken transaction, a power dynamic that discreetly entitled them to my compliance and affection, an undercurrent that I don’t think any of us perceived at the time. In defying social norms, I’d actually just been reinforcing them.

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    PURPOSE

    Jealous of Their Sureness

    My Friends Are Moving Forward While I Feel Stuck

    I thought moving back home would resolve my indecision. But as I continue to run, no matter where my feet land, I’m still here. For the first time in my life things aren’t happening in planned succession; the next thing doesn’t feel proximate. As a child I hurried into being a grown-up. Now I feel less like the adult I’ve always been and more like the child I never was.

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    RELATIONSHIPS

    50 First Dates

    Swiping My Way To Something Unscripted

    In that final stretch up the mountain, with two backpacks strapped onto either side of me, all talking stopped; I needed to conserve breath. What have I gotten myself into? My cute hoodie was drenched in sweat; my makeup, smeared, looked more like warpaint. I didn’t know the path or its length, and there was certainly no wine bar at the top. There was not much I could control other than my attitude. I focused on the small act of putting one foot in front of the other.

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    HEALTH

    When I Gave Too Much

    I Abandoned My Life To Try And Save My Mother's

    Two weeks later I experienced what I can only describe as a nervous collapse. My body shook uncontrollably; I was trembling and cold and terrified. I had no idea what was happening to me. I recalled waking up alone in an empty apartment as a two year old, crying uncontrollably and searching for my mother in the building’s hallways. Something was terribly wrong with me. I was sure I was dying.

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    HEALTH

    The Dark Side of Postpartum

    This is Going to Be Raw

    He cried. He cried so much. He wasn’t gaining weight as he should have been. He spit up all the time, sometimes in a long projectile. I breastfeed and bottle fed and nothing soothed him for long. Soon his knees were at his chest and he would start crying again.

    I knew something was wrong. I knew in my gut, as a mother knows. Any time I brought up my concerns people told me that babies cry and babies spit up. I was brushed off and ignored. No one knew that I was drowning. That I would daydream about taking him back to the hospital. How I wished I could put him on my doorstep so a neighbor would take care of him just so I could get a break.

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