Her family treated me like one of their own. It was Sandra’s mother who put me on birth control, and Sandra’s cousins who invited me to their weddings and graduations. I vacationed and celebrated holidays with them. Her family was there for me in ways my family couldn’t be.
We had to kiss. I saw it heading toward me like a comet, an inevitable atmospheric rupture. Something big was coming. All I could do was wait. Tarek started out as a friend. He was
Most days, I wonder how we got to this point. Shouldn’t we be married by now? Our friends are thinking about having kids and planning their futures together. I’m thinking about what to say that might save us.
Relationships. They slam you against a wall, knock the floor out from underneath you, and often make you feel like you’re going to throw up.
A house of two alcoholics and not much social interaction had brought me here. What was normal in our home, the slurred words, was exposed to the outside world for the first time.
It was a platonic love, more special even than kinship or sisterhood. We weren’t born tethered to each other; we chose to be.
Two weeks later I experienced what I can only describe as a nervous collapse. My body shook uncontrollably; I was trembling and cold and terrified. I had no idea what was happening to me. I recalled waking up alone in an empty apartment as a two year old, crying uncontrollably and searching for my mother in the building’s hallways. Something was terribly wrong with me. I was sure I was dying.
Is sex consensual if one person participates but doesn’t feel safe and secure?
Financial anxiety, extremely high rent prices, and a (un)healthy dose of limiting beliefs around money did not make for breezy conversations in which to plan and manage our finances. The word “money” came with a load of shame and a lot of fear.
In writing this I am putting myself in a place I have buried deep and tried to forget. This place is dark, maybe the darkest place I have ever been. As hard as I have
The most important thing I’ve learned is that you must not let anyone try to convince you that your mental illness isn’t valid. You are not alone.
5 days after my last baby was born, it was said out loud once again that he didn’t love me. His actions in the previous months had shown that but there it was out loud, unable to be ignored.
The honest truth is, I knew I was going to get the abortion. Maybe that’s what made it so hard for me. Did I ever give the baby a chance? Was it selfish of me?
I am what’s called a “relationship virgin,” a new-ish term that got picked up and made the rounds in the vernacular – it simply means that I’ve never had a real relationship. No boyfriends, ever.
It was the first time that I had realized that what happened wasn’t okay. It was the first time I said the word, rape.