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It's Been A Fucking Year

Every new and full moon I’ll feature a topic I’m personally going through, conversations I’m having with the community, or things I’m seeing and reading online. Read along for some journal entries, wisdom, reads, and inspiration.

A couple of nights ago, I stayed up till 2am going through my own Instagram. With the one year anniversary of my father’s passing coming up, I wanted to remember what I was talking about around this time last year. I found strange comfort in my old words, as though they were a projector reminding me of the pain, validating how hard that time was. This led me down a rabbit hole reading every single post I wrote after his passing. It felt uncomfortable, being able to read, with each scroll, the spiral of experiencing depression for the first time. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, my Instagram felt dark. My photos might have been perfectly curated, but my captions read unapologetically bleak and grim.

And then in July, my instagram changed drastically; I got a puppy. While scrolling through photos from July to now, I realized that up until the Kavanaugh hearing, there wasn’t a single sad post. Through my puppy, I found my joy again.

I texted a friend about it.

“It felt really validating reading through all of it. I just had this huge feeling of relief, like fuck. I made it. It’s over.”

And that feeling of relief, after reading through twelve months of Instagram posts, was overwhelming. Finally — take a deep breath and say it again — finally, it’s over.

“Don’t discredit yourself – it’s been a fucking year man,” my friend responded.

Later that night, I kept thinking about that sentence. It’s been a fucking year. Though up until that point I had only been thinking about my personal experiences, this sentence brought back the collective shitshow this year was. It’s been a fucking year, for everyone.

Let it soak in that you, my dear human, have endured, fought, and healed more than you know this year.

Alexandra D'amour

 

So this new moon, I’m less focused on planting seeds for my future, and instead, I’m allowing myself the space to acknowledge and honor all of my experiences this year. Whatever you’ve been through this year, I hope you take a moment. You made it.

Collectively we’ve been grieving all the times we’ve been made to feel powerless, while simultaneously trying to heal our internal broken bits in order to fully step into our power. It’s a lot.

Especially with the busy holiday season coming up, take a moment. Let it soak in that you, my dear human, have endured, fought, and healed more than you know this year.

There is still a lot of work left to do, individually and collectively, but for now, in this moment, let’s bathe in this: We made it. We fucking made it. And for now, for this new moon, that’s enough.

Journal

Reflect on 2018. What’s been the hardest part?

Take a moment. How can you find gratitude for the experience?

Share a moment where you felt collectively bonded to others, to strangers, to your community.

What would you like to remember about 2018?

 

Wisdom

A year ago you did not know today.

You did not know how you’d make it here.

But you made it here.

By grace, you made it here.

Morgan Harper Nichols

 

Reading

Masturbation after a miscarriage

Dealing With Menstruation As A Sex Worker

 

Watching

I’ve been obsessed with Netflix’ collaboration with Buzzfeed, “Follow This.”

This week I watched the episode on sexbots and I was left feeling very weird about our future.

 

Listening

Radiolab did a 3 part consent podcast, called ‘In The No’,  about the grey areas of consent. I agreed and disagreed with some of the things said, but felt very happy this topic is being talked about more in depth. We need it.

 

Learning

Hasan Minhaj breaks down the history of affirmative action in Netflix’ new show, “The Patriot Act.” This eye opening and educational 20 minute video explains how a Supreme Court decision could change affirmative action forever.

 

Crying

I know I’m late but I finally watched A Star Is Born, and been spending most of my time trying to figure out how we can get Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga to date IRL. Bring an entire box of Kleenex, you’ll need ‘em.

 

LOLing

Got a good LOL scrolling through the photos of cats high on cat nip.

 

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Alexandra D'amour
About the author

Alexandra is a writer and the founder of On Our Moon. She believes vulnerability is healing the world. And cats, cats heal everything. Though she just got a puppy and now believes puppies can cure just about anything. TBD.

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