In writing this I am putting myself in a place I have buried deep and tried to forget. This place is dark, maybe the darkest place I have ever been. As hard as I have
Looking at you, all of you, makes me want to hide.
My distain for you has grown with each passing year, and I’m tired.
I’m tired of feeling less than because of something as simple as texture.
The honest truth is, I knew I was going to get the abortion. Maybe that’s what made it so hard for me. Did I ever give the baby a chance? Was it selfish of me?
I am what’s called a “relationship virgin,” a new-ish term that got picked up and made the rounds in the vernacular – it simply means that I’ve never had a real relationship. No boyfriends, ever.
It was the first time that I had realized that what happened wasn’t okay. It was the first time I said the word, rape.