I saw things in my past relationships that I’d never seen before. I realized men had claimed a subtle ownership over me. It was an unspoken transaction, a power dynamic that discreetly entitled them to my compliance and affection, an undercurrent that I don’t think any of us perceived at the time. In defying social norms, I’d actually just been reinforcing them.
Two weeks later I experienced what I can only describe as a nervous collapse. My body shook uncontrollably; I was trembling and cold and terrified. I had no idea what was happening to me. I recalled waking up alone in an empty apartment as a two year old, crying uncontrollably and searching for my mother in the building’s hallways. Something was terribly wrong with me. I was sure I was dying.