For some, Father’s Day is a reminder to celebrate and appreciate all the reasons they love their father. For others, it’s a painful day that might remind them of all the mistakes he’s made or pain he’s caused. And then some are completely indifferent; they’re not overjoyed by their father but appreciate all the lessons that were instilled in them because of him, or despite him. Others might experience pain today because he is no longer here. Whether your father was absent or present in your childhood, it had an effect on you some way. Below you will read 12 women’s answer to the question:

What did your father teach you? 

My father inspired in me a love of the well-told story, and of great writing. I used to call him my encyclopedia because before the internet, I always turned to him to fill me in on world history—he even remembered dates. He somehow taught me not to care too much about society, and that sometimes it can be necessary to approach life with a wry sense of humor. He taught me to celebrate the successes, to drink good glasses of wine here and there, to go for my dreams, to travel as much as possible, and to always check for my wallet, keys, and phone before I leave the house.

–Elyssa

Thank you, dad. For teaching me the importance of watering tomatoes plants first thing in the morning. For understanding my freedom. For never beating around the bush when I’ve done something to upset you. For letting me learn from my mistakes on my own. For supporting me and believing me without hesitation. For uncensoring the truth. And for your crazy determination to do whatever the hell it is that you’ve always wanted to do.

–Natalie

In a way, my father has been my greatest teacher. Without his guidance, I have learned to shepherd myself through adolescence and the existential crisis that was my early 20’s. Without his presence, I have learned that crazy, deep, true love grows from a place of certainty, not uncertainty. And with everything that he is – the good and the bad – he has taught me, you can’t change someone. Love people as they are or move on.

–Emma

I never believed in soulmates until I realized I was looking at it all wrong – I’d met my soulmate way before I even knew what love was. I’ve been living away from my dad for years, but our connection just keeps getting stronger by the day. From him, I’ve learned life can be easy and beautiful if you want, that few things are better than pairing the perfect dish with the perfect glass of wine, that sometimes all you need is a cuddle, and that when things get really tough, you just need to take it one day at a time.

–Olivia

Here’s to the man who taught me to always listen to my heart and to always be creative. Thank you for allowing me to beat on drums and dance to obscure music while wearing bear capes. Thank you for listening to my life rants and always validating how I feel. Thank you for never allowing me to get fast food, Starbucks or listen to mainstream music radio because you didn’t want me to sell out to “the big guy”. Thank you for always telling me to go for it and follow my dreams. Thank you for allowing me to listen to Tupac.

–Jenny

It’s difficult to pinpoint any particular life skill my father might have instilled in me but I realize what he continues to offer to teach me is forgiveness and compassion. I realize the practice and eventual embodiment of these virtues are more valuable than any life skill exemplified.

–Bree

I share a lot of characteristics with my father – some great, some… definitely not so great. Hearing my mother talk about him or being around him was always like looking into a mirror. This caused me to develop a powerful self-awareness at a young age… and I’m grateful for that.

–Rebecca

If you have a dad like mine, you realize how fortunate you are. My dad is a man of few words, but those words have had an incredible impact on my life and my siblings. As a little girl, and I now realize as an adult, he wanted to ensure I had a wide spectrum of skills. Gender neutral skills. He challenged me and wanted to make sure it was clear that just because I was a girl didn’t mean I couldn’t do it as well or better than a boy. He taught me how to throw a baseball, change a tire, negotiate, braid hair, take care of animals, and the importance of travel to name a few. My dad had a different family dynamic and was raised by a single mother. I know the skills he taught us were instilled by her. I know for him growing up with such a powerful woman figure, it was critical that he raised 3 of his own.

–Dorothy

My father taught me many things; I get my hustle from him and I know how to eat every single part of a lobster, without letting one tiny part go to waste. But what he has unknowingly taught me, and has arguably been one of the most important lessons for me, is to not let other people dictate your life and to not wait until you’re retired to enjoy your life. Working hard for the things you want in life is important, but it has no value if you’re not the one making choices regarding how you want to spend your time. The last few chapters of my dad’s life are sad and lonely, and when I am his age I want to not only revel in all that I have been able to accomplish, but most importantly- reminisce, with the biggest smile on my face, about all the things I was able to experience throughout my life, as an individual and with my family. You only live once, try not to have regrets when the end is near. #Yolo, but like, for real.

–Natascha

You taught me the power of presence, humor and generosity. Through your mistakes, I learned that a shiny outer world means nothing without a rich inner world. And lastly, you taught me that I cannot save you or anyone else.

–Kenna

I’ve learned so much from my dad in my lifetime, but the most important and impactful lesson he has taught me is to be fiercely loyal to those you love.  To him, family always comes first, even if it means you come last, even if they are wrong, and no matter the circumstances.  This means, even if you know where the bodies are buried, you can never, ever tell a soul.

–Nina

My father work ethics taught me that if you hustle hard enough, you’ll get everything you want. And that your life is completely in your control and that it doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. He also taught me that pretending to be a good father, doesn’t necessary make you one.

–Sasha