IT’S BEEN A GODDAMN ROLLERCOASTER
Every single time I’m on the phone with someone, whether professional or personal, when I ask “How are you?” I hear versions of the same answer:
“I’m just feeling every emotion at once,” they’ll share in their own way.
Since we’ve been forced to social distance, and some of us shelter-at-home, it seems most of us have experienced a slew of emotions in an incredibly short period of time, sometimes all at once. I’ve cried tears of deep grief, only to cry tears of joy moments later. Anxiety and worry has seeped into my cells, sometimes impacting my ability to think clearly. And yet, a moment of panic can be followed by immense gratitude for the things I usually take for granted. I’ve been angry with folks who show little to no concern about protecting our society, specifically those who are vulnerable, while feeling overwhelmed by how humans, both strangers and loved ones, have shown up for each other during isolation. While I haven’t seen a human outside of my husband in a few days, I’ve never felt closer to my kin, and my species for that matter.
The duality of all of these emotions are complex, and deeply uncomfortable at times, leaving me to feel like I have zero control over them or myself. But I know feeling them is important; experiencing these emotions at once reminds me of what it means to be human: messy and not always pretty. Most importantly, allowing myself the room to really lean into these emotions, instead of suppressing them, allows my more complicated emotions to dissipate faster than they arrived. We can grieve and be joyful. We can be anxious and be grateful. We can be angry and overflow with love.
We can experience lows while cherishing highs. And even in our lowest of lows, if we pay close attention, there is usually a high to be found.
We don’t have to hide or pretend how we feel, and we certainly don’t have to limit ourselves to experiencing only one emotion at a time, especially during moments like these.
MY EMOTIONS OF THE WEEK: ugly crying, LOLing over Tiktok videos, feeling both powerless and empowered.
MY LOW OF THE WEEK: losing a paid sponsorship because of spending cuts.
MY HIGH OF THE WEEK: @onourmoon online dance class. I had a giant smile on my face the ENTIRE time.